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Thursday, May 19th, 2005
3:14 pm - 2 months later..
since the last time.

maroon 5. i saw them with my friend because the girl he liked ditched out on him. but it was a fun show. i kinda think the lead one is gay.

my birthday. the night before alycia steph and shae had a suprise for me. they decorated alycias apartment in baloons and signs, and earlier that day steph and i had gone shopping, and she dressed me up like a girl! i had on a SHORT shirt, and a cute top, earings, and make-up! we did a little pre-gamin.. and then went to dinner.. which was also a suprise. they took me to cafe tu tu tango. and their goal was to have me drunk by 1201. and it was pretty close. andrea got to come out and it was her first drink since she had her baby! and it was just amazing. it was the best birthday i think ive ever had. then on my actual bday day, my b/f made me cheesecake.. and then my family and i went to outback. then the next weekend.. me and my b/f went to the beach :) all weekend and we had a blast.

greenday. greenday was a late valentines day present to my bf. but it was the best show ive ever seen. i wish i would have seen them 2 more times atleast. they played their new stuff, but all of their old stuff which made it a blast!! they ended the show with "we are the champions" and this big thing that sprayed out confeti. they also played "a little bit louder now" which pumped everyone up. they picked out people from the crowd to play their instruments, and tre gave away his guitar! and they picked this guy from the crowd to spray people with the super soakers. and one guy did a stagedive. so much fun.

sky diving. to end my wonderful birthday.. shae and i went sky diving. we went out to sebastian inlet. it was amazing. and not scary.. you know your going to jump out of a plane so its ok. the guy was talking to me about wakeboarding, and the pilot was cute, and teaching me how to fly :) but it was beautiful. i would go it again in a heartbeat. i have pix and a video!

____ill finish later____

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Sunday, March 20th, 2005
10:36 pm - wow so im bad at updating..
i use to write in this thing daily, even two or three times a day, and now im lucky if i get to it once every three weeks.

its spring break right now, and the weather forcast- rain.. rain.. and more rain!! yay!! im working my normal schedual this week.. go figure.. and were getting brand new carpet in my house. pretty uneventful.

work has been.. well up and down. one really really bad night, but mainly good and entertaining ones. had an all staff meeting. four of the people i wanted to win did, so that makes me happy. my friend from the bar did the napolean dynamite dance.. and our manager was "pedro" it was funny. my manager still talks about the christmas party (lame). the new hires.. dont know all their table numbers.. kinda annoying. for the most part all the people hired since august have been great people, just not all hard workers. tourists still make me angry.. and so do dumb americans. and parents who cant count.. or choose not to count their kids.. kids are people.. if you say "hi, 4 adults and 5 kids.." you still have 9 people!!

im going to tally april 1st and 2nd. hopefully i can get a ride with kayce.. or kyler will want to come with.. or if anyone wants to drive to tally ill chip in 1/2 gas :) but i dont want to go alone.. did that once.. wasnt a fun drive.

my birthday is the night before i go to tally. me my mom and dad and chase are going to seasons 52 :) im excited. ive wanted to go for a while! ill be spending the day with chris, the night with my family, then the weekend with the cool kids i met up at fsu last time i was there. the weekend after my bday chris and i and a bunch of people from work are spending the night at the beach :) then the next weekend im going to see greenday with chris. so im going to have the best next few weekends.

i went to see oar last night. i had fun. i wish they would have played a few more songs i knew, but it was still fun. i met up with nick mertens and his friends, then i saw c-lane, donnie and their weird friend, so i stuck with them. we were with the.. special people.. so i think it would have been more fun if we were in the croud but it was still fun.. but cold.

im having boy problems.. see, im crazy for him.. i havnt liked any boy this much since.. jeremy. and jeremy was the love of my life (dont get me started)ive liked him for about 8 months.. and weve been dating for a little over 2.. which i want to remind everyone is longer than i dated colin and longer than i dated jon. but he hates that i have so many guy friends.. but its because i HATE girls (they are backstabbers). but im trying to spend a little less time with the guys.. like if any of the boys come in town id drop all my plans, but when they are just going to a movie, or doing nothing, i wont go spend hours doing that. so i am trying to work on it. but i did introduce him to my brother, and justin and sean and andrew and chris frolicher, and big bobby.. so now he knows who im going to see at tally, and hes met the guys who i mainly hang out with. hes furious i am going to tally. he gets mad at me my parents are strict.. he says i dont compramise.. but im trying.. its hard.. but im crazy about him, and we have great times.. and hopefully****** it will work itself out.. and if not, then ive had a lot of fun. but i hope it does work, and i hope we go far cause.. im so happy. im ready, believe it or not, to be serious. not like married serious, but he let me borrow his house key so i could go to his house and hang out while he was still at work, and hes given me his check card to go pick up lunch.. those are big steps.. and we go visit his parents.. and we joke about the future so who knows.. but i know im keeping my fingers crossed.

i think some boys.. are in it for a challenge.. i think some only go after girls who are in relationships. and thats stupid.

but im going to bed. big day tomorrow..

im tanning.. doing laundry.. throwing out clothes.. hangin out with ellie if she actually calls.. moving stuff out of my room.. and hopefully seeing my boy :)

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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
6:48 pm
so its been a while..

valentines day was wonderful. i got him an anniversary card because there were no more real valentines day cards, so i scratched out anniversary. he loved it. he made spaghetti and we had our own cute candlelight dinner, rose pedals on the bed and candals in the bedroom. so perfect and sweet, and i still got roses. i got us greenday tickets (well i will when saturday comes)

i took a lot of people out of my phone book. mainly girls. all the ones who say they want to hang out, get excited when i make it a point to come see them, but dont ever return the favor or make the phone calls. so i deleted their numbers. im done.

im still dating him. and hes still 25 and old. but im almost 19.

im really enjoying school. philosophy is boring me.

my grandpa died, and some old friends wernt there. there numbers are also out of my phone. i dont talk to people, and the ones i tried to (the old friends) were too busy to care, well im too busy to care too. i didnt tell chris,which made him angry, but i dont tell people things for the sole reason of i dont open up to people. all the ones i use to open up to let me down. but i have some pretty good friends.. who have made a world of a difference in my time of need. im lucky to have some true friends in my life.

for my birthday i want to go sky diving. i think chris and i are going to a bed and breakfast. i think im begining to really like him, im not being tempted by cute boys anymore.. ok, well i am a little, but im working on it. i havnt acted upon any of it so im sure as hell doing better than last time.

im thankful for all the people who helped me at work, and im thankful for tasha and chelsea and shae and andrea and alycia and eddie.

shae isnt moving, which makes me extremely happy.

ive been playing with andreas baby more, and my sisters. i cant wait till im married and have my own kid.. not now, definatly not now, but when i can look at my son or daughter with such admiration as i see in their eyes, and love something that much. its very exciting.

a bunch of us from work are going to go canoeing.

i hate crickets... damn thing just started making noise. grr.

im stoked about spring and summer. im going to take a math class over summer, and scuba diving with chels.

im going to tally in march..

i will try to update more..

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Monday, January 24th, 2005
12:07 am - in the past 10 days Ive..
In the past 10 days Ive accomplished a lot..
..Ive withdrawn from Oceanography
..thrown out more clothes
..became official
..thought about trusting him
..been jealous, and 5 seconds later realized i was being stupid
..never smiled so much as i do when im with him (or when im drunk)
..wished i could turn to him with everything thats going on
..made a date for this thursday to eat dinner with his parents
..decided I need to eat healthy
..thought about starting to work out
..found out the love of my life is getting married
..found out my gpa isnt doing so hot
..my sister is coming into town
..my best friend is moving at the end of the week
..worked a bunch
..lost faith in some management, and gained respect in others
..2 of my most favorite friends from work are leaving at the end of this week, and another is leaving feb. 27
..celebrated daniel's birthday
..saw Phantom of the Opera and Are we There Yet (both great!)

--theres nothing better than waking up next to the person you like.

--a lot of personal things are going on, and shae- the girl i go to for everything, is leaving. i think between her and my grandpa, my heart is just torn into peices. i keep not hanging out with her, so that it wont hurt too bad when she leaves. i tear up almost everytime i talk to her these days. it seems everyone is occupied these days, the people i use to go to are no longer there, and its not a bad thing.. people grow up, grow apart, fall in love, move across the country, and have lives of their own. but shae, she was my rock. it seemed like no matter the topic she understood. she hated my mom with me when i was upset, she played games in the arcade with me, she took care of me when i was drunk, she always had candy, she is and always will be someone i hold very close to my heart. with her leaving, it makes me hurt so bad, and wonder why people are going to be in our lives but then taken out? why do things like that happen? maybe its for the experiences, and maybe friends really are like angels, placed into your life when you need them the most.

--that brings me to jeremy. i was in his life when he needed a friend, and a person to help him stay on track, and now were no longer friends. for a while i couldnt get myself to understand that it was no longer my place anymore, and he now is engaged.

my week is pretty busy..
monday 11-240 (school) 445-12 (work- if they need me) my sister comes into town
tuesday 1045-5 (work)
wednesday 11-240 (school) spend time with shae, ice skating with ellie
thursday 1045-5 (work) dinner with his parents
friday 11-1150 (school)

all my free time im spending with shae. oh, and im meeting lars's sister sometime this week, and im going to ride his longboard. my sister might be moving to fla. i ran into kat/christines mom the other day. im disapointed in my friend for dating a guy who keeps cheating on her. i really like the guy im with but im not sure if im making a mistake, but even if i am, thats what you learn from-mistakes! everyone makes them, and even if it is a mistake, its fun. disapointed i wont be going to something corporate. i need to make another trip up to UF and Tally. Im glad the patriots beat the steelers.

current mood: cold

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Thursday, January 13th, 2005
12:08 am - its that lovely time again..
it is now the start of a new day. and a new semester.

this semester, i didnt sign up to be with any of my friends, so to my suprise, i knew people in each of my classes. i have heather, a girl from work, in my oceanography class, then i walk to my speech class with chelsea and kevin where there is a hot guy and dawn in my class, my next class chelsea and i walk to which is intro to education i have with katie peters, and my last class of the day, philosophy, i have with jamee powell. some fun kids seem to be in there. i am very excited about my speech and education classes. but my first and last kind of bore me. the nice thing is i dont go to school tuesday or thursdays, and on fridays im only there for an hour.

im walking into a situation which i want to be in, but im not sure if i should be in. i should know better than this, but it feels right. his friends seem to enjoy my company, we joke around, his friend and i talk shoes and music, and he and i talk about a lot. we talk about the future, wanting to see snow, going to college, our ex's, bad experiences, and our passions. im comfortable sitting there not saying a word, or just talking and being stupid which is always a positive. were something but nothing at the same time, i keep down playing everything to in turn not getting my heart broken. he has so much to learn and so do i about him. he calls me out on my games, but knows he plays them too- so its always entertaining. we act like little kids. i told him to come talk to me when he quits smoking cigarettes. bleh- gross. so thats how it is on that end.. same guy different time. no ex girlfriend to mess it up this time.

current mood: curious

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Saturday, January 8th, 2005
3:17 am
who sings "mexican radio" ?

yesterday was stressful and crazy but seemingly uneventful. yesterday i worked.. then on my way home from work i heard someone was in a fatal car accident so i called to make sure colin was okay. he was. i talked to him and he got a speeding ticket. i come home, my mom is bitching.. the dog got sick on my bed. i leave in an angry mood.. back into my dads car (luckily nothing happend so-shh) then i left for gainseville.. and a semi ran me off the side of the road. scary as shit. then i got to gainseville.. yawn.. the most exciting part was when andy and i went to taco bell and when they showed me fat people porn. i left and drove to shaes. i made it from my brothers driveway to shaes driveway in an hour and 1/2. the fastest everrr. then she and i talked and fell asleep.

ive got a long day ahead of me tomorrow.. well actually today. austin is coming over at 3, gotta leave for work at 345 responcible vendor from 430-6 and work from 6-2.

i plan to visit shae in cali durring spring break.

i found myself getting all giddy about the same guy all over again. and last night i had a dream that made me realize i shouldnt get my hopes up. but i hung out with him yet again tonight, and he is the one who keeps making all the moves to sit next to me on the couch, to cuddle with me, to kiss my cheek, to hold my hand in the movie.. im not understanding him. and he asks me to stay for a little while and kisses my cheek goodbye when i tell him i have to go home. i know guys go a long ways to get what they want, but he hasnt even tried to do that, so is he being this persistant for a reason, or just to mess with me? but again.. whatever happens- happens.

im going to try to fall asleep. hope everyone has a good weekend- school starts monday. cross ur fingers that this time if i meet a boy in one of my classes he wont be crazy!

current mood: exhausted

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Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
5:44 pm
best quote of all new years eve night:
me "my friend from up north thinks florida girls are easy"
aimee "we are"

ever realize youve been in the same situation before.. and that you shouldnt get your hopes up.. but think "maybe this time it will be different" ? thats the boat i am in now.. on the outside im not getting my hopes up, but inside im starting that giddy little girl thing.. whatever happens, happens. no disapointment.

jon finally stopped calling me. yay for older brothers and friends that are big guys.

met with captin again last night. boo for people who use chasers, especially boys! fun times.. i made fun of chris all last night it was a fun time. shae came over, but left around 3ish. today has been lazy.. honestly.. sleeping all day. i cant sleep well at other peoples houses.. i love my bed.

current mood: groggy

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Monday, January 3rd, 2005
6:27 pm - the year in review...
"Theres still not a lot I regret, nights I cant remember, friends Ill never forget"

winter. over last winter break i met someone who would impact my year greatly, i met colin. i ended my 8-month relationship a little after the new year. from that point on colin and i talked each day for hours. highschool was refreshing because i had all new classes after we got back from the new year. i was stuck in an all black PE class, so i made friends in the other classes. seth was my favorite little boy. i started partying again and heading back out to jasons. even made a few trips out to UCF- one of those nights, got a little too wasted off of brandy.. i was hanging out with a lot of old friends like tasha again, and ellie and i were still inseprable.

spring. senioritis kicking in even more. i graduated with an honors diploma and was awarded two scholarships.. bright futures 75%, and workforce edu. for $500. i put my application in for my dream job- Margaritaville. had a short stupid little fling with matt. grandpa had to come live with us but then he had to go to an old peoples home. i passed algebra 2 with a B. way to go 2nd time around :)

summer. colin came home and we were practically together 24/7.. even had a few sleepovers. what seemed like we were together was a short lived romance and we ended after 2 months. i worked for a little bit at victorias seceret with alicia and hated it, quit as soon as my paper work went thru at margaritaville. a lot of new and old guy friends captured my interests.. had a few short lived romances.. but nothing serious.. went to a few concerts like Story of the Year, NFG, Yellowcard, etc. a long term love was ended and a best friend lost.. a friend for years, and his g/f got married, it was a reunion of all sorts of old friends.

fall. school started, and i had 2 classes with chelsea and 2 with tasha. always fun, always entertaining. breakfast every other morning with andrew morgan. one guy captured my interest this semester, and luckily that love interest was shortlived too. i was very preoccupied with school, work and boyfriend. if i went out it was mainly with friends from work. did the whole halloween horror nights and made a few trips up to gainsville to see my brother and his friends. crazy times in gainsville.. not all the time i enjoyed myself, but overall it was fun. went to a few football games up at UF.. and wahoo the gators beat the noles at FSU which hasnt happend in YEARS!! I ended the fall semester with a 2.5.. putting me on academic probation

back to winter. my sister had her baby Kendall Ellyn Smith, 6 lbs. 7 oz. on November 23rd. I finally have a neice and i am her godmother. still working a lot. I visited Sean at FSU. my first visit ever to fsu and it was for his fraternitys semi-formal. i had a blast. made a lot of new acuaintances and found a hot boy. lol. he def. grabbed my attention. went and saw NFG with tasha ellie and chels. tasha and i saw yellowcard w/ starting line. the break has been refreshing seeing all the old faces and taking school off.

the plans for the new year..
..going to more concerts (ie, something corporate in jacksonville at the end of the month)
..go sky diving
..go camping
..go rock climbing
..go horseback riding
..learn to skateboard
..go wakeboarding more often
..wash my car more
..actually excersize
..try to learn to like beer
..visit sean more at fsu
..finish collecting nickels
..visit shae out in Cali
..continue saving for austrailia
..stay away from winter park boys
..go to more football games

my friend andrea from work had a new years baby, born Jan 1, 1235.

new years eve was fun. spent it with tasha, liz amber sara jessi chris etc etc.

made some mistakes this past year, but all in all in was a great year.. hope this one is just as good

current mood: thankful

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Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
11:48 pm

work put a smile on my face. i was dreading going in tonight, especially to close. but it was worth it. i got to see my friend, and im happy he is single again- hes so much friendlier when he doesnt have his g/f. and none of the guests were rude tonight. and a manager actually complimented the host stand tonight, it was amazing. i havnt gone on break in about 2-3 weeks, so toinght i saw my buddy who works in the grill. gotta love those black guys. made a friend from the fossil store, he is saving me a "gator bait" hat. yay. i worked with alycia tonight, she is such a fun girl to be around. she is moving to arizona as of this week, next week it might be somewhere new. she is one of those people if your in a bad mood, she just cheers you up with her outragous comments and carefree attitude. shes awesome. im still getting questions about the christmas party,and told not to enduldge in anymore underage drinking- ha- shows what they know.

on the way out i walked out with jenna. she is so happy. she got a promise ring. im very excited for her. and we talked about stepmoms being evil.

jon called. wanted me to drive out to apopka to come see him. i passed. i dont have any gas to waste on drama.

i hope everyone has a WONDERFUL christmas eve, and christmas.

current mood: happy

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3:36 pm
im the worst friend..

it was on my calendar and everything..


My little girl is no longer little she is a woman. congrat's on being the big 18.

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1:34 am - seems like..
after work, i went to shaes. then we waited for michelle to get off work and thats where the adventure begins..
..super walmart somewhere in the ghetto. shopping for baby shower gifts and decorations. ran into some.. odd people- one was actually a guy shae and i met at the tatoo place (no, i didnt get a tatoo) and he tried hitting on michelle. he was the appitamy of white trash. so im just goofing off the whole time were there which made shae crack up and made michelle soo crazy. but it was fun and worth it. so we get done there at 230am. yeah, thats right, in the freaking morning. i didnt get home till 3. then at 6:50, my dad wakes me up because the carpet cleaners are coming so i had to move all my stuff onto my bed, meaning i had to sleep on the floor. then i was about to drift off again and my mom lost the dog. so i went to bed around 8ish, then woke up at 10 to get ready for the baby shower. i pick andrea up, and no one shows up. total peice of crap. but it was about 6 of us, and we had a blast, it was more fun. then i came home and crashed then i went to dans and watched napolean dynamite.
..today, i woke up showered and to my amazement big bobby was already over. he was here for 2 hours before chase even woke up. lol. well got ready to hang out with stu but that didnt work out. then i went to shaes. then we met emily up, went to the parks, rode hulk, dr. doom, and dueling dragons then ate at NBA City. it was so good. expensive, but goooood. then we went to motown played skii ball :) then wrote all over michelles car.. and just as i was calling it a night, tommy called so i headed out there. it was tommy paine tasha chels melissa sarah chris little chris amber fish eric eddie nici etc etc. i didnt know a good handful of them well so... but it was fun. played the # game, got bullshit called on me. stupid boys. then on the way home i called my friend from work. i really enjoy talking to him.

i have off new years and id like a new years kiss!

current mood: content

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Saturday, December 18th, 2004
6:21 pm
so its been a while.

thanksgiving was huge. everyone was here. even the new baby was there. shae from work came and had thanksgiving with us, then had to go into work. (it was: me, mom, dad, chase, aneise, bryant, baby, chris, nancy, big bryant, 5 of their family memebers, aunt marsha, uncle dave, gran gran, judith, darrell, little darrell, hunter, chris, sean, and shae. loads of people.) lots of yummmy food and football.

i went to fsu a few weekends ago for seans semi-formal. i ended up having to go a night early, missing two days of school. the formal was a lot of fun. i met some sorority girls, and if i end up at fsu i wouldnt mind being in one. but only if i go to fsu. and i lost my grudge on frat guys, yeah they are dumb arrogant and stupid- but soo much fun! i really liked seans friends.. and there were a few reallly cute ones. then the next night, was the xmas gift giving.. funn times. i wrapped dannys present for him! like a nice friend. at the thing, i met a total hottie. yess.. yes i did. got drunk, very happy. then the next night me sean and blake went to gainsville. nothing too great. same ol' same ol'. except i stayed with stu that night. that was a change of pace. i give him a lot of crap. i dunno- i just always expected us when we got older and smarter to end up together, i guess were still stupid.

i would like a nice boy. one who doesnt make bets about when hes going to sleep with me. and one who likes spending time with me. and one who doesnt obsess over the sex were not having, and then when we go on a break to not sleep with anyone else caause he "wants to wait for me".. obviously my boyfriend and i broke up because he was opposite all that. he thought reality didnt apply to him. he thought it was okay to be a big jerk.. and i let him be a jerk then i wouldnt like him then hed say something and id be like "ok, hes not that horrible.." but he was. like i knooow he is a good person.. deep deep deep down, but i was tired of trying to find it. we finally ended things because i didnt invite him and 2 of his friends to my work christmas party.. i would love to be in a relationship where things were very casual and laid back and fun. but i attract stupid boys who do drugs.

but speaking of holiday christmas party. yay. drunkenness. very very drunk. everyone saw... got into trouble. worth it. hehe. funny stories. i remember most of it, shae and andrea reminded me of a few things the next day, as did my managers. :( but its ok. gotta have a few of those nights and at least it was with people i like.

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Thursday, November 25th, 2004
1:11 am
my sister had her baby. kendal ellyn smith. 6 lbs 7 oz. a beautiful baby girl. 23. nov. 2004

other than that a lot has happend since i last updated..

and much to talk about..

school is okay. i think im making mainly c's. which means i might lose my scholarship. no good. but i am enjoying my teachers. so i guess that is good.

i went to gainsville a couple weekends ago. it wasnt a fun trip. i was in a bad mood. i hate when people always ask "whats wrong"

last weekend at ucf, i saw a lot of old faces. boys i loved hanging out with, drinking at jasons with, messing around with in class, all my boys from high school. its crazy that most of them are still here, but i just never see them. i miss them all.

im excited that everyone is in town this weekend. but im also kinda mad. there are some people i dont care about not seeing.

uf vs. fsu. good game. haha jason for thinking fsu was going to win! a very relaxing night- and happy night. go gators.

relationships are for stupid people. i am a stupid person. i always find myself wanting the unobtainable. i want to fall in love and have someone love me back. but for me, that seems like its just never going to happen. im tired of being "the little sister type". im tired of being good enough, but then guys go for the dumber or sluttier. i like my "boyfriend". yes, its in quotations for a reason. he is in a trial period right now. he has 2 weeks to shape up or get out. i have a good feeling that he will be wonderful. i have faith that he is a good person deep down, but its driving me crazy to try to bring it out. he says all these sweet things, but i dont know how much i should take to heart. they boys dont like him. but look at the girls they like- not much better. im not walking around looking for love, def. not... im not even all worried about a serious relationship. but i also dont want to waste my time. i just want a guy to drink with, watch football with, hang out watch movies with, cuddle with, joke around, rough house, someone who respects my friends and all the guys that have raised me and that ive grown up with, someone who respects me, and treats me really well. i dont have that with the guy now. he is really putting in effort, but maybe were just not cut out for each other.

im going to fsu next weekend. next weekend is donnies bday.

i talked to my friend chris today. he is one of the most unobtainable guys ive ever met. i dont agree with his decisions all the time, but i respect him as a person.

i hung out with andre, kellen, kiwi.. then we went to christians and c-lane, purdy, donnie, paige, alex, some crazy guy from c-lanes class who loves savers, and crap- the other white guy. kellens was fun. we saw spanish alex from waterpolo and stevo. i love dre. i miss him. me kellen and stu are hangin out this weekend :) not very eventful.. prob. would have been better if i wasnt tired and sick.

going to bed.

happy turkey day.

19 people of my family are going to be here tomorrow... noooo fun for me. call me and save me!

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Wednesday, November 10th, 2004
1:16 pm - long time no entry
so its been about two weeks since the last time i wrote in here. a lot is happend. ive been really slacking on my school assignments, and everything except work and jon. i have so many projects, and i just never seem to make the appropriate time for them. but i need to start buckling down.

i have a boyfriend. yes, haha joke, it is pretty funny. but hes a good guy. a little preppy, ok very freaking preppy, not someone i would see myself with. always in polos and stuff. hes a kid i dont have much in common with. our views on hard work are quite different, thus blowing money like its no problem is not something we see eye to eye on. he is more into partys and the club stuff than i am but he is fun for now. when im with him (and hes not being grouchy) he is a lot of fun to be around, and suprisingly sweet. too bad his best friend thinks im "just a waste of his time". im really over girls and their dumb opinions.

ive been talking to colin more and more latley. hes a good guy. but it seems like the only reason he might be interested again is because, im not obtainable since i have a b/f. he had his chance and he blew it. he listend to dumb girls. his fault.

stu called the other night out of the blue. funny stories. i miss him and his family.

work has been crazy. i hit over-time, 2 weeks ago. 40+ hours. and i got a raise. yay me. very happy. were going to have our work christmas party soon. im also excited about that. my manager is going to let me borrow one of her outfits.

sean invited me to his semi-formal. so ill be up at fsu the first weekend in december. ive never been up there and it should be some crazy fun.

this weekend alicia and i are going up to gainsville for the homecomming weekend. were going to the game on saturday day, and we will prob. have some crazy nights.

i have a big paper due on friday, that im just starting now. i have to stay after school tomorrow to work on a humanities project. tuesday i have a psy. exam. i have a psy. oral presentation and paper due soon and i havnt started on ethier. andrew morgan and i did our gov. homework this morning thats due on monday, and we have another project in gov. due soon. sheesh. but i think everything will fall into place.

i hung out with donnie last night. we got ice cream then met up with c-lane and their weird friend. fun guys i really like them.

my family came into town last weekend. it was good seeing my uncle. he kept telling me i was a beautiful smart young woman and not to "give it up" hehe. my sister even came over for the get together. i felt her baby. i cant wait for that little girl to come out into this world. i was sick the whole weekend though, and stayed in bed most of it-- mainly cause i was sick and because my boyfriend left town. ass. my other sister is coming into town this weekend, and were going to just miss each other.

but im going to start my paper

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Tuesday, October 26th, 2004
2:18 am - thurs-mon
thursday- thursday at work was fun. i was floating so i was upstairs. but every 5 seconds amy would need me downstairs to help seat. grr. chris was upstairs with me. we joked around a lot. and it was just like old times. i thanked him. he doesnt realize what for.. but he said "uh. ur welcome?" its more of a thank you, for helping me realize i what i dont want. he is an awesome guy- very fickle, and stupid, but great guy. one day when he learns to make up his mind and be upfront with people, he will make some girl a good boyfriend. my phone was dead, so i didnt end up going to HHN. i was going to see jon at rollins, but my phone was dead and i didnt want to head out there without a phone incase i got lost. so i went home.

friday- i bombed my gov. test. then i worked my morning shift. it was easy and nice. i worked with shae. megan was working and she gave me candy. this other girl was working and she makes me really angry. i was all prepared and had enough energy to work a double but no1 suprisingly called out. then i went to rollins with jon. it was a beach party.. but i def. work jeans and a t-shirt. then we left right about the time it was running dry and went to the park and talked. nice stuff.
saturday- woke up.. ate breakfast.. went back to bed till 4. then i got up.. my sister came over. then steveo, sean, and jeremy came over. we went to the gay carnival for all of 2 seconds, then we went to seans. drank a little. mmm. then came home around 4ish. at seans, i was downstairs talkign to his mom for a while. people at seans were: me chase sean jeremy steveo, then caitlin, her friend and ali came over, then those girls left, and kasey came over with seans "little bro" from his frat, then c-lane and donnie showed up. good stuff. fun times. when chase and i left we went to super walmart to get tasha some gummi worms. midway talking to donnie i remembered the next day was sunday and i had to work!!

sunday- 1045 work. omg.. my head hurt.. i was draggin ass. the girl i dont like was there again. jon and i went to robs to watch Big with him and audra. then i came home. i talked to colin some..
monday- class. breakfast with andrew and chelsea. then work. i worked on the patio with shelly. which was easy. she is way more laid back. she bought me dinner. mmm. app. sampler. then deflecting sucked. clint yelled at me, well not really, just told me if i dont stay in my spot id get into trouble. but its sooo boring. i cant stand in one spot for 3 hours straight!!

rest of the week.. tomorrow i dont work. im going to see the grudge. it looks scary!! im excited. then wed. if i get off im going to hang out with donnie. thursday i work. friday im on call then halloween party. saturday i work. then maybe jons? sunday i work.

what are YOUU going to be for halloween??

alicia** i will call you when i get my new phone in.

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Thursday, October 21st, 2004
10:19 am
so i havnt updated in a while.. hell a lot has happend, and a lot hasnt. ive still been very lethargic- maybe i should start taking my iron pills.

over the weekend i had quite a few plans that were unfufilled because my cell was dead. but u know its my fault my phone wont charge? friday day jon came and picked me up and we just basically spent the whole night together.. after a mid-day talk session at the lake, he dropped me off at home to get ready, and then we met up again at his house. i met his friends. they were nice. ive sorta met one before. its cool because some of my friends know his friends.. but we still dont hang out with the same people. change is always good. we ended up at rollins, then we were going to go to alans, but we didnt, then we drove around and headed back to winter park. i had a fun time. his friends are funny. saturday morning i had to get up early and help prepare for the babyshower. it was nice seeing my grandma and my aunt joyce and her baby jayce, and my sisters long time friend emily. emily, cindy and liz- use to help change my diaper and stuff. they all watched me grow up so its kinda fun. nice girls. but only emily could make it. then i was off to work.. todd was there, i hate him douche. but i worked with jamie!! cute girl. love her. we went to steak n shake, and then jon met up with us. then he and i talked for a while.. till like 3 when i said id be getting home from work. then sunday morning, i worked. then from there i went to tashas, and around 8, i was passed out and asleep. monday i felt all refreshed. and anxious to tell chelsea about my weekend. tuesday i took a psy. exam. and my hum. teacher asked us "if you can fall in love, can you fall out of love?" and im not exactly sure.. its a hard question. that night, i went to a movie with jon, rob, his girl, fizzle, and some girl.. we saw the puppet movie. freaking dumb as anything, but funny! it was funny. its rated R because it has puppet sex! then we went and watched some of the baseball game at audras.. but i haaaaate baseball so we went to saras dock again. but while we were there, he roomate i guess was there with her boyfriend, i liked her. and she liked me too. haha. it was funny, i clicked with her fast, and i still wasnt sure weather audra liked me or not. wednesday- yesterday, gave up my work shift to eddie. so chelsea and i went to margaritaville and had dinner. it was yummy. then i went to go meet up with jon. he said the girls gave me the "stamp of approval". talking to him is real fun.. def. didnt think id like the kid.. its all happend kinda fast but it doesnt seem that way. i feel like ive known this kid for um.. a while- instead of a week. he talks like were going to be together for a while so i guess its all good.

one of the guys in our other house band was talking to me the other night. first about my eyelashes, cause he thought they were fake, and then about when i get older. yano- im sick of hearing "things will work out for u when your older dont worry" well untill jon.. all i was hearing from guys is "oh ud be a good girlfriend.. " but then nothing. its really frustrating to hear all the time. and its even more frustrating, when u hold a guy up to so much higher standards, and u respect them, for them to fall into the same routine of all these other guys.

yesterday when i was leaving school i almost got into an accident. some car came flying out of no where and almost hit me and kept driving. i had to slam on my breaks. i was furious. i wanted to go rear end her sooooooooo bad. and then just drive off. go "hey u pos i hate u" lol. im very protective of my car. also as i was leaving yesterday jon was kinda.. distant, his reasoning is he "can mix work and play" ass. lol. im working on that.

today i have work. then im meeting up with chase and them to go to HHN. then i have class tomorrow. then work right after class, and then im on call that night. saturday im off. i was supossed to go to dinner with ellie but she had birthday plans with her friend already. but she cant get mad at me for anything, im the one whose tried here so whatever. so sat. night i dunno now. and sunday morning i work. as always.

alright, but i have to clean my room, do my chores, and go to school.

oh, my phone is dying again so if u try to get ahold of me and u cant its because its dead.

current mood: bored

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Thursday, October 14th, 2004
10:27 am - so a lot has happend..
friday night.. i went out to ucf to see daniel and kyler. i met them at the bowling alley, we got chinese and i met the girls they like, and some other girls. they all seemed nice. i really miss those boys. i always feel at home with them. and its always entertaining to be with kyler.. he is such a dork!! he always makes me laugh. and im going to marry daniel. lol

saturday.. ended up at the bowling alley again. i went to eat with ashley powell, caroline, brett, jono, and some other girl. troy met up with us. then we headed out to the bowling alley where i did 2 shitty games. the gators lost in the last 27 seconds. idiots. then colin came over and we talked.

sunday.. i worked. as i do every sunday. it was really stressful. i was supossed to eat dinner with daniel and his family but i was going to be getting off late and i didnt want to keep them waiting or anything, so i made a raincheck. working with emily was fun, but her and suzi were both doing doubles so they had to break and stuff and it got suprisingly busy for a sunday morning.

monday.. monday was good. class was easy. chelsea came over after our comp teacher let us out early. we ordered dominos pizza and cheesy bread.. mm.. then i got a smoothie with jon and talked for 4 hours.

tuesday.. humanities was funny. people and thier opinions. psy. was good, except me and tasha missed last class so we were behind, but she kept asking questions and people laughed. the people we sit with are mean in the joking way, which is fun. we mess with tasha, and she yells at me.. and its funny. then that night jon and i went and saw the forgotten. it was weird. then we walked down in winter park.. it was nice.

wednesday.. classes were easy. chelsea and i got a smoothie before govt. then i came home bummed it and got ready for work. i had to go in almost an hour early. so i worked 4-1. clane, donnie and their friend came in. clane played on the keyboard with our house band blue stone circle. work was fun last night. i was so excited just about everything and nothing at all. shae and i split chocolate cake. it was sooo good. megan had a host meeting to complain about what happend, but i wasnt in trouble, but i went just so i could eat my cake. eddie did vgs for me, and i did greet. i stamped him soo many times. some nasty drunk guy kept messing with me.. a old brittish guy tried to kiss me and dance with me. gross. megan thought donnie was my boyfriend and then kept telling me i was a big flirt. i beat up eddie. i told jon.. a different one.. about my whole theory on relationships and hooking up and stuff.. he likes it. lol. i was telling travis about the guy of the week

current mood: busy

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Friday, October 8th, 2004
7:04 pm - cookies and goonies
yeah.. so today.. first class.. get my test back.. i got an 86%. very happy with that! so if i got graded right now, average my 2 tests.. id have an 80. a B. yayyy. then my hour break i did my reading.. then matt came and talked to me. good talks, hes a great kid. then 2nd class.. boring.. the teacher made me angry. then i had no1 to walk out with :( skipper. then i went to work to get my paycheck. saw shae. talked to a manager. fixed some stuff. came home. went to blockbuster w/ chels.. got the goonies.. went to albertsons.. then went to mcdonalds.. mm.. the cookies and movie were great!! chelsea and i are going to be captin chunk (chels) and im gonna be ethier data or mikey! should be fun!! if anyone else wants to dress up too tell us. but my parents and i got into a fight about jeremy. it was pretty bad. not over me still having feelings for him but for them being stupid, and ignorant about things. well im going to wait for austin and try to talk him into getting dinner with me before he goes to gainsville. then im going out to ucf maybe to see daniel and kyler.

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Thursday, October 7th, 2004
1:52 pm - tu-thur
tuesday at work i was supossed to be in one of the closing shifts. but amy needs money so i gave it up. i didnt want to work. i had so much energy in me and i had to stand still. i hate when that happens. the new manager made fun of me because my shirt was wrinkled. shae and i walked out together and went thru quiet flight.. we saw such cute stuff. when i got in travis talked to me.. he said chris just out of the blue started talking about the situation. which is weird cause he doesnt talk to travis. travis goes "do u want to me relay this stuff or what?" and chris said no... but travis did anyways. a lot of the guys think the other girl is cute.. ehh.. shes ok. but i kinda just have a grudge cause she seems so dull and he liked her. but i asked this one guy about her and he said she was cute, so i told him we wernt friends. hes so fun to mess with.

wednesday, i was all excited to get my test score back, because i think i did better than last time. but he didnt hand them out. then andrew and i went to breakfast and laughed so much. he is a great kid. then i was late to comp. then my walking buddy didnt wait for me!! now he owes me. talked to him a little. and i layed around i was so lathargic yesterday. then she and i were supossed to see shark tales, but she ended up closing so alycia and i went to see wimblden. good movie. i really liked it. we had stopped by margaritaville to see shae, michelleS, and aj. lars was working. he is such a goof. then some of them were going to auto's.. but i dont know him.. so i was going to go to donnies but he was out at PI w/ clane and all their friends.. so i came home and went to bed.

this morning i woke up early to study for an exam.. and i didnt.. i layed around some more. then i took my exam. i think i did ok. not good, but not too bad. i think i got a C. some of the stuff was tricky! then i skipped my 2nd class and im back here.. im doing my chores and getting ready to go thrifting with shae. then we have work together tonight.

im kinda excited about something.. although i know its nothing.. i dont want to get my hopes up.. cause everytime i do it never works.. so i will see.

current mood: lazy

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Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
2:33 pm
monday. went to class. studied for the essay question. got the test. done in 20 min. chelsea and i took the rest of the time to type up our papers. then i got done, and hung out with matt from our comp. class. then we went to comp. didnt do too much. came home. went to lay out. it was too hott to just lay out so i bought 2 pool floats. then i talked with my dad for a while. then he sent me to my neighbors house and i talked to them for a good hour. then my mom came looking for me. then i came home, and called shae. shae andrea tom alycia and i went to gators for all u can eat wings. let me tell u last night was not my night for wings. i didnt do good. andrea won.. but then again she IS eating for 2. im excited for her about her baby. i cant wait. it will be tan and pretty, and very sarcastic.

today. i was supossed to go to the beach but my mom left me a list of things to do. and so far ive gotten all the things ive needed to do myself done, but not all of her crap done. i woke up.. started my laundry.. cleaned out my trunk.. picked up my room.. tidyed up my bathroom.. worked on my wall collage.. got mulch for my mom.. got my eyebrows done.. and now im here, unloading the mulch, updating, and about to take a shower. i still have to go to the post office and get a smoothie before i go into work.

colin and i had a really good conversation the other night.. but then he messed up again last night. im done with it. i told him if he is going to keep smoking not to call me. i thought id be really sad, but i dont care anymore. ive spent 10 months caring for this kid, and hes throwing his life away. im not his girlfriend anymore, im not his mom, so i dont need to look out for him. its not my responcibility to help him out. tasha told me i cant make him change if he doesnt want to. he does want to but because all of his friends are doing it he does it. he does it when hes bored. he says he doesnt have any friends who dont do it and said hed hang out with me but im always busy. well when im not busy hes always smoking so.. the other night before we talked i was going to take a break from our friendship.. but then we had an amazing conversation, and he appologized and got a little emotional and everything which gave me the impression he wasnt going to be a freaking idiot anymore.. nope.. he still is.

elliot and i arnt close anymore. it seems like we both have to try so hard to hang out. and when we do. its weird. there is just a big invisable wall blocking us from being as close as we use to. maybe its just my imagination. shes mad that we were supososed to hang out but i went to HHN with my friends from work instead. but i dont know...

i had a talk with my neighbors about jeremy.. ive never told any adults really that ive been in love.. especially not an adult that knows my parents.. but they respected it, and it felt really good to talk to someone wise about it.. i hope he is still doing good. and i hope him and megan are good. although after they started dating i lost respect for her, as long as hes happy thats all i care about. hes still not talking to me. and untill yesterday i hadnt really thought about it. but it hurts. it hurts like hell. but he is someone ill never forget about so i just have to deal with it.

i havnt talked to alie in a while and that kinda makes me sad. i looked thru my crew scrapbook today and i really miss her. she is a gazillion miles away. i feel like i need her here. kinda selfish but this is a time where shed understand. i hope she is doing well too. shes so busy and finally getting things straight up there in VA. as much as i want her to come home for college.. it might be best for her to stay up there.

im even more excited about my sister having her baby than anything else right now. this is going to be the most loved little girl in the world. im going to spoil her. im going to teach her how to be a smartass just like her mom and me. my parents are pretty pysched about having a granddaughter. they have grandsons.. but no girl untill soon..

current mood: thoughtful

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